Saturday, January 20, 2018

My Story-Pt. 5 Arizona

MY STORY PT. 1, PT. 2, PT. 3, PT. 4
For a while, I stayed in that place. I could still "have fun" and I could still "be happy". It's just that unless I was actively doing something to make me feel those things, I went back to numb.
I started spending money I shouldn't have spent. I bought things like expensive dogs, because having a "baby" around filled a need for me. But they didn't bring me the true happiness I sought, so after a few months I'd find them a new home. I started eating out more and more often, and shopping for whatever. It's not that I needed anything, I just knew I felt better when I was out of the house. Being at home made me sad and overwhelmed, so I just left every day.
For the most part, nobody knew what I was feeling. I had some conversations with my mom, but nobody understood the extent of it, I don't think. I first blogged about my experiences in early 2009, when people still weren't really talking about mental health issues. It was amazing to me, the response it received, and I was thankful that those responses were positive and supportive. At the time, I acknowledged the anxiety and the panic attacks, but I honestly don't think I was even AWARE of the depression. I mention that I had quit cooking and cleaning and all that, but I didn't have a name for WHY. I truly don't think I knew!
I did take anti-anxiety medication for just over a year. I think it worked, but I honestly don't remember much about it. I do remember that when I decided to quit taking them, I just felt like it would be ok.
Russell and I had just really started talking about moving to Arizona. I'm from there, and have always pretty much had a desire to go back. Texas had been rough for us, with me being all whatever and Russell being gone all the time. We wanted a fresh start, and for the first time, I started to feel like things were truly going to get good.
Russell started applying for jobs out there after earning his degree, and one day he got a call from the Circle K Corporation for an interview. When he went to that first interview, I had a feeling that this was it. This was going to happen, and we would be moving. And I was right!


We moved in September of 2011, a month into the school year. It was ok, though, because I just new the kids would all settle in perfectly at their new schools.
We hiked, we played, we visited the zoos and the Science Center. We truly made the best of our time!


Of course, getting to Arizona in the fall is perfect, because in Arizona (at least in the valley) the weather is just starting to go from blazing hot to perfection!
We bought Carter a bird for our new home, and truly did have a ton of fun getting to know the area!


As a side note, I do apologize for the totally non-blogger photo quality here. I didn't have my "good" camera yet, and didn't know the importance of all the stuff. I just played and snapped away!
On December 8th, about 2 1/2 months after we moved there, my mom and I were eating lunch at Barro's Pizza. (The best in the whole wide world) Mom was in town for a visit, and we were out having fun and eating yummy food. During our lunch I got a text from Russell. It simply said "You won't be able to reach me at this number, I just got fired."
I DID reach him, though, before he turned in his company phone, and we had him come meet us for pizza.

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