Thursday, April 1, 2010

Lots of Links, Lots of Pictures, Lots of Life

You are about to read a really long post. 

Alright, here's the deal.  I've been thinking a lot lately about life, mine in particular.  I have really struggled to settle down and LIVE, and I wanted to find out why.  I started thinking back over the last couple of years, and HELLO!  Maybe, MAYBE it's because the last few years have been SO STINKIN' INSANE!

Now, I'm totally not complaining here, and I'm not looking for sympathy, or even encouragement, although it's always great to have comments...  I know that I am blessed beyond words, and that my Heavenly Father loves me and is aware of my needs and my desires.  But I do want to remember this time of my life.  I want to remember what it was like day to day.  I want to look back and say "Man, that was rough!  Glad that's over!"

It all started, I've decided, about the time we.....made the decision to be done having children.....and.....did something about it.  (You get me?  I'm trying to be polite, here.)  I sort of talked about this in my last post, so I'm not going to get into it here, but after....that day.....I started crying for a week at a time every month.  (You still with me?)  I think that was when it all began.  Around that same time, Russell started his MBA program, so I spent a lot of time on my own with the kids, and I started looking for things to compensate, I think.  I bought a dog.  I had Dallas (my Yorkie) but I needed a BABY!  I bought a Yorkie/Maltese Mix named Emmy.  She was really sweet, but a feisty little thing. 

                              Dallas and Emmy                                                                                                           Emmy

Long story, but I ended up giving her away and getting a free "mutt" that someone found at a gas station.  Koda was the cutest, softest puppy ever, and I just thought he was going to be the greatest dog. 

                         Koda as a puppy                                                                                                   Big BAD Koda

Well, he tortured my old Dallas, and knocked over and chewed on Conner, who was just one at the time.  He was just playing, but I just couldn't deal with it.  I found him a great home (still keep in touch with his new owner) and decided on a Pomeranian.  In the meantime, I wanted out of Springfield.  I mean, I wanted OUT.  I made plans to move us, and I knew that Texas was our best chance.  Russell, completely oblivious to the severity of my issues, I think, put in for a transfer with his job.  (Little background-I have a brother who lived here in Texas with his family.  My dad was really unhappy in his work, and due to some other things, they decided to relocate here, as well.)  Mom and Dad sold their house almost immediately, and had moved away by the fall of 2007. I was absolutely beside myself!  Soon after they moved to Texas, Russell got word that his transfer had been denied.  Then I was beside the me that was beside myself!!!  I cried all the time!  I did have a brand new cute puppy to lavish attention on, though.  Enter Pippin, the Pom. 

                           Pippin at home and in the car

At Christmastime, it finally came together for us to move. 

 I thought, FINALLY I can pull myself together!  It was January, and all of 18 degrees the day we packed the truck.  We moved in with Mom and Dad (who share a home with my Grandparents) and started looking for a home.  Dallas, who was 12 years old and totally deaf, was a nervous wreck and pottied all over the floor.  Over and over again.  He hadn't done that in years!  Well, it's bad enough when it's in your own house, but at your PARENTS' house it is EXTRA bad!  While we were living there, the kids started school (January).  We would get up early and try really hard to be quiet so we wouldn't wake everyone up.  That was a joke!  We ended up buying a home that is too small because I just wanted out. 

I left Pippin with Mom, because she had fallen in love with him, and Dad said I could. 

Three dogs in, three dogs out.  Shortly after we bought our house, Russell's schedule changed and it really cut down on his overtime pay.  All of the sudden we had to worry about money.  Ick.  Well, I still had to have a puppy, so I decided on a Keeshond.  (Looks like a big Pomeranian)  My sister has one, Dash, who is just the best!  Surely that would be my experience as well.  So, we brought Sinda home.  She was the cutest thing ever!!  Like a great big teddy bear. 

                                         Sinda, the day we brought her home

During the summer we found out that Caden is allergic to fire ants.  Like any other venom allergy, a fire ant allergy can be deadly.  Isn't that fun?  And we just happened to live where every fire ant in the world lives.  Well, shortly after that finding, we started taking allergy shots.  The days went on and before I knew what was happening, Sinda the teddy bear turned into a GRIZZLY! 

She was, to this day, the most affectionate dog we've ever had, but also the most destructive.  Check it out here

Poor old Dallas just couldn't handle the stress anymore, and I lost him in the fall.  See here.  That was so hard for me.  My Dallas had been with me since before Russell and I got married. Even my Dad liked Dallas.  (That's HUGE!) Dallas was with me through everything, and the guilt I felt after losing him was so hard.  I had spent a year trying all these new puppies, and the one that needed me was right here.  Anyway, Sinda continued destroying everything, and finally I had to take her back to her breeder.  She was wonderful to work with, and I would HIGHLY recommend her, if anyone is looking for a Keeshond.  (Don't let my experience deter you, because my sister's dog ROCKS!)  Click here to check them out!  During this time, Russell was still in school, so very rarely home, and I was still crying, although not every month.  Maybe every two or three months.  Right before we "returned" Sinda, I happened across this little guy online.  Meet Rocky.

To this day, Rocky is the prettiest Pomeranian I have ever seen.  Just gorgeous.  But Rocky had (has) mental issues.  He is terribly frightened of EVERYONE!  He would follow me around everywhere, and I could do anything to him, but if anybody else tried to even touch him, he'd scream.  I mean SCREAM!  He is also afraid of heights, which is really kind of funny to watch.  Rocky lived in fear, literally.  I decided he would be happier staying out in Alvarado, with my in-laws.  And you know what?  It's quiet, for the most part, he takes walks in the forest with Ann, my Mother-in-Law, and is fat as a cow because he eats whatever he wants.  It's interesting, because he is with Ann how he used to be with me.  Now, he acts like I'm stranger danger, and won't even let me pet him without screaming.  Very strange, but he sure is pretty!

A little time passed and I decided to bring home a shelter dog.  (I know, this is getting rediculous, isn't it?!) 


 Bella was Carter's dog.  She even slept with the boys.  Unfortunately, Bella never could figure out why she should only go potty outside, so she just went in Makenna's room. 

         A boy and his dog-yeah, that'll give you guilt..

Now, I've had a lot of dogs, but I've NEVER had one I couldn't potty train!  That room absolutely reeked, and I tried everything!  Just as I was at my wit's end, Conner took a stroll down the street, and got picked up by strangers.  Fortunately these were kindly strangers, and they called the police to come and rescue my little boy.  My adventures with Child Protective Services can be found here, if you're interested.  The one good thing that came out of it, was that the guy working on our case fell in love with Bella.  He asked if I would call him if I ever decided to get rid of her.  Well, call him I did!  Later, Bells!  Have a great life!

OK, so during all of this madness, I got totally depressed and fat.  Seriously.  I weigh as much as I did nine months pregnant!  Even more than with my early pregnancies!  Ugh.  It's yucky.  I guess I was just really struggling to feel at home, in our ward, at the schools, everywhere, and really just felt pretty alone.  But really, you're never alone if you have Diet Coke, a slice of Pepperoni Pizza with Ranch, and a Hershey Bar with Almonds, right?  (See where the problem is?)

I have always struggled with Panic Attacks, somewhat.  Since about fifth grade.  I never really talked about it, because I didn't have to.  But after moving here, they became worse, and started to interfere with my life.  I had to start talking about it.  I had to get help.  See here

Anyway, I decided that I should just get another Yorkie.  I had Dallas for a good, long time, and he was the best, so I thought I'd go that route again.  I found a breeder pretty close by and bought a teeny tiny little guy that we named Goliath.  Problem?  Well, there were two.  He was already six months old when I got him and stayed hidden away in my closet because he was terrified of the world.  I don't even have pictures of him.  He had never been exposed to children before.  Then one day he woke up with his eyes all goopy.  One was stuck shut.  I just had the feeling that he wasn't going to be a very healthy little thing, so I returned him, as well. 

How many is that, like six?  Seven?

After all of these comings and goings, Russell, the sweet man that he is, decided to buy me the "dog of my dreams", an Alaskan Klee Kai.  I finally got my blue-eyed little girl a few weeks before Christmas of last year. 

               Misty, with the droopy eyes

Is she everything I dreamed she would be?  Sure.  She's a little crazy, but she's a puppy, so that's normal.  I think she'll be great, though.  She's a sweetheart, for sure. 

Shortly after Christmas, we found out that Russell was losing a promotion he'd just recently gotten.  Yep, pay cut.

A couple of weeks later, we had the golf cart tragedy, and got a smashed car.

Tomorrow, Russell's son, Tyler, is coming to live with us.  I won't get into too much detail here, but Tyler is 18 years old, a total sweetheart, and just out of rehab.  I love him dearly, but I admit to being truly terrified of this whole experience.  I feel so unqualified, so unprepared.  I feel so clueless as to "what's next?".  He's our child, and we'll do what we need to.  It makes me appreciate my parents more.

So, what's the point of this novel?  Why sit here and go through every hard thing I've dealt with in the last several years?  Well, let me tell you, it's not because I'm dwelling on them.  Oh, I have days, for sure, when I dwell.  I have days when I cry, and think "Seriously?"  But these years have also been full of joy.  We've had holidays, birthday parties, caramel apples, Disneyworld, lake trips, field trips, tons of fun with our cousins, cookies and cakes and pies (and Hershey Bars with Almonds), trips to the movies, trips to the zoo, walks in the forest, laughter and silliness, and so many other wonderful times.  Still, it has been tough for me.  Mostly when I'm alone and the kids have gone to bed.  I start to think about all the things I SHOULD be doing, as a wife and mother, that I'm not doing.  I start to think about struggles and moves and dogs.  But I believe that something good is coming for us.  I don't know what it is, but in about six weeks Russell will finish his degree.  That by itself will be a tremendous blessing.  To have our Daddy again.  Then, who knows?  The sky's the limit!  Something good is coming.

I'm just sayin' it's no wonder I usually feel like this at the end of the day.

1 comment:

MO Sisty said...

I'm slow in responding but, hey, I haven't had time to work on my own blog since Feb. 14th! Go figure. Cute pics--cute kids and cute dogs. Please tell your folks and grandfolks I said hi and I MISS THEM (all of you!).

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